Yesterday, I shared my thoughts on addressing a pastor with their title. As in Pastor Dave.
Call me crazy, but I also strongly dislike the term “pastor’s wife.”
Whether it’s a woman introducing herself as a “pastor’s wife” or a special conference for “pastor’s wives” or a blog post about the unique struggles of being a “pastors wife,” I find that description both shallow and narrow.
As a Christian woman, your identity is in Christ, not in your husband, and certainly not in your husbands job. Do plumbers wives go to breakout sessions on how to be a good plumbers wife? Do the spouses of teachers refer to themselves as teacher’s wives?
I understand the unique challenges of being married to someone who is in full-time vocational ministry. I lived it and my wife lived it. But one of my regrets in ministry is not helping her find her own unique voice and place. I was okay with her identity wrapped up in mine.
If you’re married to a pastor, you still have unique gifts, passions and abilities that might be expressed in ways other than supporting him. Your identity should not be wrapped up in another person, now matter how honorable or spiritual their job might be.
I recognize I might be in the minority here, and I also might be completely wrong. But I think that using a descriptive term built on someone else’s profession to describe who we are is a disservice to what God wants us to be.